[It's kind of impressive how quickly he feels exhausted by her mere presence. In fact, he feels his insides wither up the moment her weight is on him. Heavy, for someone who must be almost under 100 pounds, easily.] Jesus, you weigh a tonne.

[He does not push. That would be rude. Instead he stands up and lets her fall to her ass gracefully instead.] Okay, listen up Kelly Clarkson. Here are some ground rules: rule number one, do not steal my booze.